Walking On Cloud Nine

Author’s note

Cloud nine is a state of elation or great happiness. This term is based on U.S. Weather Service terminology. A cloud nine is the designation given to ‘cumulonimbus’ clouds, the highest-flying clouds around, making them an apt metaphor for being “on the top of the world.” When you are on cloud nine you feel wonderful like nothing else is really very important. It is a fictitious place said to be similar to heaven. It means that you are extremely happy, almost in heaven.

Walking on cloud nine

I am an English teacher. No, I am a Brazilian teacher who teaches English. Confusing? Well, a friend of mine taught me that. Anyway, as I was saying, I teach English. I love this language. I have been a teacher for quite a while now and every day I love it more and more. I have such a pleasure when I watch a movie and understand it or listen to a song and get frustrated because the lyrics is terrible or listen to two native speakers having a chat and I do not feel lost. This language has put me into contact with nice and interesting people. This language has given me the chance to travel to other countries. Actually for one country only but in this country you can find many different people that it feels like you are in many countries at the same time. I would say it is not a country but a continent. I am talking about the United States of America. 

Speaking of the USA it is clear that the Americans have changed it. I mean the language. You listen to so many slangs and expressions that you may think: is it English? Do I really speak English because my teacher Edson did not teach me that? That is funny and frustrating at the same time. You must know not only the regular English but also slangs, expressions and idioms. Gosh. They are hard to understand sometimes. Well, not to this friend of mine. She knows practically everything. She has this elephant memory. And she has pleasure in teaching us. It is so nice seeing her explaining the idiom and giving details about it. I will never be able to do the way she does.

But speaking of idioms, there is one that I had always struggled with and had always lost. I couldn’t understand the meaning. I had a vague idea. I knew it was something good but couldn’t understand why. But today I got it. Now I know why.

I am inside this huge airplane now flying back home to Jardim Romano. Have you ever heard about JR? No? You will. Well, I am drinking some orange juice with a lot of ice. Sorry, this has nothing to do with the story but I have to tell you, I love this American orange juice. My friends back in Brazil hate it. Don’t know why. It is really good. Well, not too long ago, about 20 minutes, the airplane takes off and I can witness one of the most beautiful views: the clouds. They are like carpets. It gives you the false impression that you can walk on it. I almost ask  the steward to open the airplane door and let me out. The view is so inviting. I keep looking at it. I am trying to describe it to you but in fact it is impossible. It does not matter the words I use. They will not get even close to the reality.

Children
I keep looking outside, mesmerized by this wonderful view, when something calls my attention. I swear to God I can see some children playing. And yes, they are children playing tag, hide and seek, soccer, flying the kite etc. All sorts of children: white, black, yellow, tall, short, fat, slim, thin I can hear all languages. I can see American kids playing with Iraqi kids. Chinese with Japanese. English with French. Brazilians with Argentines. I wish all politicians could see that. Instead of sending children to war to fight for stupid reasons, they should sit at a round table and civilly discuss the fate of our planet. Anyway, the children  seem really happy. And all of them, simply all of them are doing what they do best, are playing.

Mom
I still can’t believe in my eyes when I see an old lady looking at me. I do not recognize her at first but then… it is her… it is my mom and she is saying "Come on son. Get off this plane and give your mother a huge tight hug". I tell her “I can’t open the door mom.” She says “Do not worry. Trust me. Now come here.” I look around to check if anybody is seeing what I am seeing. Some people are busy checking their cell phones and laptops. Others are sleeping. So I open the door and leave the airplane. And I… I… start walking on the clouds. Amazing!!! I get close to her and give her a huge bear hug. I start crying and she says “There’s no need to cry. Not here. Mom is fine. I have never felt so alive in my whole life.” I can’t stop hugging her. I do not want to let her go. Never. Then she says “Walk with me. I want to show you something" She holds my hand and takes me to a walk. I still can't believe I am walking with my mom on a cloud. It may sound crazy but it is not. Then I hear someone saying “Edinho? Is that you?” I look back and see my grandma. Her name is Virgilina but we used to call her Vó Roxa’. Please do not ask me why because I have no idea. I was a kid and used to think ‘but grandma is not purple.’ Anyway, I run after her and kiss her, hug her and cry, of course. So she says ‘Wow. Look at you… All grown-up now. And you turned out to be a handsome guy, huh? You were so ‘feinho’ when you were a kid. Hahaha… Come on. Give me another hug.” She wipes out my tears and then I say “My God… mom and grandma together. How about grandpa? And daddy? Where are they? Are they here?” Grandma says “Yes, they are here but can’t be with us right now. They are building a house in the other side of this cloud, miles away from here. But they said they are proud of you and will see you when the time comes.” “What? When the time comes? I don’t get it?” I ask Grandma in disbelief. “When you die Edinho... They will see you when you die... But do not worry. You are not gonna die soon. And no, your airplane is not gonna crash. Hahaha…” “Grandma… I love you.” “I know. I love you too. Now your mom has more things to show you.”

Angels
My mom takes my hand again and the tour continues. I suddenly start listening to incredible voices. I can’t resist. They are just wonderful. I look behind the trees… You heard just right... There are tress on the clouds… anyway, I look behind the trees and see a chorus of angels singing. They are beautiful with their golden hair and big wings. And they sing… and sing… and I listen… and listen… I could spend days listening to them and would not get bored. I get lost in their voices when my mom touches my shoulder and gives the signal that we must go on.

Lasagna
My mom looks really beautiful. I can’t stop looking at her and that makes me think her last months on Earth. She suffered a lot because she had Chagas disease. She looks at me and somehow she knows what I am thinking. “Don’t worry honey. That was necessary. But now I am as healthy as a bull. Hahaha...” And laughing she gives me a tight hug. “And how is Kelly, your baby sister?”  I say “She is ok mom. Gustavo is almost 1 year now. He is really cute and healthy.” She stops walking, look me into the eyes and says “Take good care of her. Your sister needs you more than you think. And take care of Gustavo too.” “Ok mom. I will. I know how much you love them.” “Ok. You know what? I am hungry. Let’s eat.” She takes my arm and together we head to the best place on cloud nine: The Lasagna Corner. Yes, that’s right. They have lasagna up there. Isn’t it just fantastic? And I assure you it is the best lasagna I have ever eaten. I ask my mom “How come they have lasagna here?” “We have all kinds of food up here. And everything depends on the client. I know that you love… love no… adore lasagna. So here it is. The best lasagna is made at The Lasagna Corner. And after that I have a surprise for you.” So I eat as much lasagna as I can and of course ask for my surprise. “Where is it mom? Where is it?” She takes a bowl and shows me. How I missed that. My mom prepared a pudding for me. I have to confess that her pudding was never thaaaat good but that one was simply delicious. “Mom, what happened? Your pudding is wonderful." "What? You mean my pudding wasn't good?" "Noooo... I didn't say that... what I meant was..." "Hahaha... No worries, son. I understand... “You asked why my pudding is wonderful. Well, it's like they say: in heaven everything is much much better. Even my food. Hahaha… Now calm down young man otherwise you will have a stomach ache.” I looked at her and with my mouth full of pudding I say "But moooom... It is simply delicious. I can’t help it. I want to eat it all." When I am almost done she takes my hand again.

Tigers
We've been walking around for 1 hour  when I see an animal running towards us. I can’t recognize the animal because it is too far but after some minutes, with the animal getting closer and closer I realize it is a tiger. I freak out. Although I think they are the most beautiful animals on Earth, I prefer to see them on Animal Planet. I look at my mom and she is calm. How come? IT IS A TIGER. “Run mom. Run…” She doesn’t move. I can’t move either because the animal will have to kill me first before killing my mom. It sounds brave but I am scared as hell. Well, the tiger gets closer, I close my eyes expecting the worse when… it jumps on me and starts liking my face with that watery tongue. My God… My mom gives me a ball, I throw it and the tiger goes after it. I have a pet and my pet is a tiger. My friends will not believe me… hahaha… I have such a great time playing with the tiger. It is very heavy and its teeth are sharp but they do not hurt me.

The One
After 2 hours playing with Paco (yes, I named the tiger Paco) my mom looks at me and says “Your time here is almost up. You have to go back to the airplane. But first I need to introduce you to someone.” She takes my hand again and takes me to the quietest place on the cloud. When I get there I see Him. I ask my mom “Is it… is it… Him… the One and Only?” “Yes son. It is Him.” He is beautiful. He is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. And He shines.  He comes towards me and my first reaction is to kneel. He looks at me and says “Stand up, Edinho. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while now. How are you today?” I can’t believe my ears. Jesus is talking to me. And he called me Edinho. My second reaction is to cry. He holds my chin, wipes out my tears and says “Not here. You don’t cry here. Nobody cries here. This is a place of happiness and joy. Here there is no sadness, no stress, no depression. There are no tears. There is no sorrow. Here people are really and truly happy.” I look at Him and don’t know what to say. I can’t think. “I know. People have this reaction when they see me. I understand. I just want to say one thing before you leave… Everything is gonna be alright.” Suddenly I feel good. All the bad feelings go away. I feel lighter… like I had lost 10 pounds. “Now… I want you to close your eyes.” I manage to say something “But Jesus. I don’t want to go. I want to live here.” He gives me that look that only Jesus has and says “Don’t worry son. You will live here with me. But not yet. Not yet." He approaches and gives me the warmest hug I have ever felt. I feel so safe and loved. He looks at me and says "Well, time to go. And like I said before… Everything is gonna be alright. Now, close your eyes.” I do as I am told and when I open my eyes, I am back at the airplane. 

On the plane

People are checking their cell phones, laptop. Others are sleeping. I look at my watch to check the time. 30 seconds has passed… 30 SECONDS. But I stayed more than 5 hours on the clouds. I stared outside looking for Him. I have to see Him again. Say that I love Him and I need Him. But somehow I believe He knows it.  I look for my mom. I have to see her again and  hug her as tight as I can. Show her all my love. Does she know I love her? Does she know I miss her? I hope so. And grandma? Paco? Lasagna? Pudding? Gosh… I miss this cloud already.

Saudades

Queridos Edinho, Anso, Naldo, Du e Kellinha.

Espero que essa carta possa encontra-los bem. E se por um acaso vocês estiverem lendo essa carta agora é porque não estou mais entre vocês. Chegou minha hora e Papai do céu me levou.

Gostaria muito de estar com vocês, mas meu coração chagado não aguentava mais. Vocês se lembram como era difícil pra mim ir até a padaria que ficava alguns metros de distância de casa. Mas eu não o culpo. Ele foi valente viu. Resistiu por anos.

Bem, se não estiver enganada quando essa carta for lida será próximo do Dia das Mães. Ah como eu gostava desse dia. Vocês se lembram? O Edinho acho que não porque a memória dele já era fraca naquela época, imagina agora. Rsrs... Então deixa eu recordar... Todos reunidos na minha casa para um belo almoço. Como era bom ve-los reunidos, comendo e dando risada. Aaahhh... Como não lembrar das piadas mais do que engraçadas do Edinho. Eu amava as suas piadas, meu filho. Não entendia porque ninguém dava risada. Mas não importava. Eu adorava.

Como andam as coisas por aí? O Gustavo deve estar enorme né? E o Tiaguinho? Continua arteiro? Eita menino que não parava quieto. Saudades dele. E o Derick? Deve estar um homenzarrão. E lindo que nem o pai. E o Antony? Como parece a Simone, né? Meu Deus.

O Eduardo conseguiu vencer seus monstros? Conseguiu, né? Eu sabia. Nunca desacreditei. Coloquei a vida dele nas mãos de Deus e tinha fé de que meu filho iria vencer as drogas. E pelo que vejo aqui de cima... Oh Glória, ele voltou a ser o meu neguinho. O meu Du que eu tanto amo. Agora, Eduardo. Abre o olho. Vigia meu filho. Não dá bobeira não. O diabo tá bem ali, esperando você vacilar.

E a minha neguinha? Como anda a Kelly? Ja está trabalhando? Tem que trabalhar minha filha. Assim você usa o dinheiro para comprar suas coisinhas. E as coisinhas do Gu. Ai, meu netinho. Aliás, meus netinhos. Que saudades.

Bem, vou me despedir por aqui. Aaahhh...o seu pai tá aqui do meu lado. Mandou um beijo para cada um de vocês. E está me lembrando que dia 30 é aniversário do primogênito. Parabéns Edinho. Desejamos tudo de bom pra você meu filho. Te amamos muito, viu? Se estivesse ai faria aquele pudim que você tanto amava e elogiava.

Um beijo para todos vocês meus filhos queridos. Mamãe ama todos vocês. E de forma igual viu. Parem com essa besteira de achar que eu amava mais o Edinho. Só porque eu fazia questão de preparar a saladinha que ele gostava, depois de um dia estressante no trabalho, não quer dizer que eu amava mais ele. Ouviu, Du?

Não briguem crianças. Principalmente vocês, Du e Kellinha. Não quero ver mais discussões. Vocês têm suas diferenças, mas são irmãos. São meus filhos. E meu coração entristece toda vez que escuto os insultos. Parem com isso agora. Ou será que vou ter que descer e dar umas palmadas nos dois?

Meu Deus. É muita saudade. Se cuidem minhas eternas crianças.

Beijos da mamãe.

Santinha

P.S.: se alguém além dos meus filhos estiver lendo essa carta, beije, abrace, ame sua mãe. Dê mimos. Faça carinho. Obedeça. Ela merece. E faça isso todos os dias e não somente no Dia das Mães. Ela não te ama só um dia por ano. Ela te ama todos os dias.